Husbands first gay experience
My Husband Might be Gay
Husband viewing gay porn
April 2011
Twice in our 11 year marriage, I've caught my husband viewing or searching for gay porn. The first time was after the birth of our first child, almost 9 years ago and we went to counseling, but he didn't convey it up and either did I -- I didn't want to embarrass him. He claimed that he'd just gotten too into online porn and went too far with it. I tried to accept the whole general porn thing, even though it's not my thing. The second time was a little over a year ago, and he was searching while me and our two adj kids were in the same room. I just happened to see this when he put his phone down. He refuses to go to counseling. We went on and off for many years with little progress and we went for a session or two after this last event happened, but he dodged the issue and we never got back to it. I went for awhile myself to try to figure out what to do, but I'm still struggling, plus, there's not much progress to be made as a couple without any communication. I don't want to discu How to Do It is Slate’s sex advice column. Have a question? Send it to Stoya and Rich here. It’s anonymous! Dear How to Do It, My husband just came out as gay. It’s been shocking, but I’m even more shocked by what he wants to execute about it. He says wants us to remain married until our youngest minor leaves for college. In the meantime, he says we are both free to pursue partners of our choosing. While I am of course deeply saddened at the loss of my husband as a quixotic partner, I love him enough to want him to be free to be himself, even if that means not being with me in that regard. However, our youngest kid is 10. I don’t desire to wait nearly a decade before we can officially move on. What if one or both of us were to encounter someone and want to get married to them? How can I get my husband to see what he is suggesting is not a realistic approach? —Starting Over Dear Starting Over, Maybe the way to look at this is you regard “remain married” as having an asterisk next to it. That My Husband’s Not Gay, a show on TLC, has caused an uproar. The negative attention is unfortunate because this could own been a show that highlighted mixed-orientation couples and how these couples can actually make their relationships work. Why do some people become so outspoken and judgmental about marriages with one straight and one gay spouse? There are several reasons. These marriages raise concerns about infidelity. They bring out people’s judgments about what marriage should or should not be. In particular, they bring out people’s judgments about monogamy. Finally, these relationships suggest to some people “reparative therapy,” the unethical and impossible claim that a person can be changed from gay to straight. The men in this television program aren’t claiming to be ex-gay nor that they can change their sexual orientation (at least not on the show). They state they are attracted to men but choose not to live as a gay man and their straight wives accept this. People seem to get up in arms when a man says he is not gay but rather simply attracted to men. In our cultu It’s humorous. As he came out of the closet, I felt like I was being forced in. No-one understood. No-one really knew what to say. When he came out, he was greeted with encouragement and affirmation. There were support groups for gay married men, forums where he could discuss what he was going through. He was finally being true to himself, forging a new identity, taking his destiny into his own hands. I was left alone to verb up the pieces. Unseen. Unheard. We met in our late teens and the attraction was instant: he was very cute, and always had a bevy of adoring women hanging out of him, but he seemed to only have eyes for me. We had the alike sense of humour, liked the same things, and six weeks later, we hooked up and were one of the first couples in the gang to marry and conclude down. The first question everyone asks me is, did I have any plan back then about his sexuality? Any inkling? And the answer is no, I didn’t. But then again, I don’t contemplate he did either. Not really. We were fresh and fairly innocent. I, for one, di
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